Wimps, Weaklings, and Wussies

Have you seen those nanny shows on tv? You know the ones, Nanny 911 and Super Nanny? I find them a hoot. Every time I watch them I can't believe that intelligent people let the whole country, even the whole world, see that they're totally incompetent parents. I can't believe the level of child spoiling there is out there. I see this in day care, too. Parents who are total wimps, weaklings and wussies with their kids. Parents who actually appear to be scared of their kids. It's sickening.

Even before the nanny shows debuted, there were plenty of examples of baby whipped parents on tv. Several years ago there was a spate of "I'm Scared of My Child" episodes on Maury Povich's talk show. They were shocking. There were kids as young as seven literally ruling their homes, hitting their parents to keep them in line and throwing outrageous tantrums to get their way. But what was really disgusting were the parents, all mothers, crying helplessly and pleading with their super brats to behave. YOU DON'T ASK CHILDREN TO BEHAVE, YOU REQUIRE IT!!!! I couldn't understand why those moms didn't get it. But there was more.

Another Maury Povich show discussed obese children. There was a 4-year-old boy who was extremely overweight, and guess what his parents said? If they tried to limit the amount of food the child ate he would throw a tantrum, so they let the kid stuff himself. I was dumbfounded. Those parents were risking their child's health, even his life, because they didn't want to deal with his tantrums! And sadly, they weren't the only parents doing that. The father of a 100 pound 2-year-old let his daughter eat an entire package of hot dogs for lunch because, he claimed, he loved her too much to say no. So another child's health was put at risk by a "loving" parent. And the sad parade of parental incompetence didn't stop with Maury Povich's show.

On an episode of 20/20 a mom let her preschooler make a total ass of her. The family was about to leave home for the day when the child insisted she had to have a stuffed animal on the way to day care. The mom got out of the car, went back into the house, and got a toy. The child whined that it wasn't the right one and the mom went back to get another toy. That one wasn't right, either. Back and forth the mom went for what seemed like forever. It never occurred to this supposedly intelligent woman to tell her daughter no and then let her scream all the way to day care. My mom, and most moms of her generation, would've had no problem doing that. But today's parents act like not giving in to their kids' every demand is a crime. How did we come to this?

I think the astronomical increase in two income families is largely to blame. Most working parents feel a great deal of guilt over leaving their kids in the care of substitutes. They try to assuage that guilt by spending "quality" time with their kids, meaning the little darlings are horribly indulged so they'll like mom and dad. Too, showering their children with everything they ask for, and even things they don't, helps working parents justify their employment--they "have" to get so much for the kids! So parents indulge the children to assuage their guilt, thus making the kids ever more demanding, which leads to more indulging, this time to keep the kids quiet. It becomes a viscious cycle. But there's more.

Many parents today are uncomfortable being the boss in their family. The collaspe of traditional values in America has led to a disrespect for parental authority, even among parents. Many of them now are indecently willing to give up a large chunk of their authority over their kids in exchange for less responsibility, responsibility which is then transferred to day care centers and schools. Combine this parental abdication with the current obsession with children's self-esteem and "positive" discipline and you have the perfect spoiled brat recipe.

How do we get out of this mess? Return to traditional values! As I stated above, parents of my mom's generation had no problem telling their kids no. They and their children knew who was in charge (hint: it wasn't the kids). Today's parents need to get the same confidence in their authority. It's a vital prerequisite to teaching children character. If kids learn good character in childhood they'll be blessings to society as adults. It is parents' job to make sure that happens. It's a daunting task; no wimps, weaklings, or wussies allowed!