Goodbye Isabel

Last Friday was a very sad day. Last Friday was baby Isabel's last day at Kiddieland. I cried. Isabel was so precious to me. All of my babies are precious, of course, but there are some who touch my heart in a way the others don't and Isabel was one of those.

I don't know all the details about why Isabel left. Her parents were seriously considering moving about an hour away from their current home in order to reduce their commute but that's not why they pulled Isabel out Friday. There were other things going on. Whatever they were the end result is that I don't have my baby anymore. I do have Isabel's parents' phone number and I gave them my e-mail address so I'll be able to keep up with how my little darling is doing.

As sad as losing Isabel was I feel I've learned something from it. I've been toying with the idea of leaving day care; it just doesn't pay enough for a single person to live on(I currently live with my Mom). The thing that's been holding me back is my love for the kids. They really are MY babies. I can't stand the thought of leaving them with a stranger. And then Isabel left. Her parents and I got along really well. They knew that I took good care of their daughter, but when it became in their best interest to take their child out, they did. They didn't say,"Gee, we can't pull Isabel out. Her teacher loves her too much." No, when they needed to leave they left, no matter how much I loved their child.

I'm not mad at Isabel's parents at all. On the contrary, they showed me how I should feel about my job and the decision to leave or not. They showed me that when push comes to shove families will do what they think is in their best interest. I have no guarantee that any child I come to love will always be with me. So, I should base my career decisions on what's best for me, not on how much I love my babies because tomorrow they might not be with me. Families will leave a day care in a heartbeat if they feel they need to. I should give myself permission to do the same.

That's a hard lesson for me. I'm so attached to my babies that my heart overrules my head. But my love for my kids won't pay the electric bill, buy me a much-needed new car, or get me a place of my own. Money alone will do that and I'm not making enough at Kiddieland. I don't think I'll be quitting my job in the near future but I do think that I now have the will to do so when the time is right. Isabel taught me that.